Monday, March 5, 2012

If I Did - Twilight

Good day,

 I've decided to do something a little different. Not long ago, I had the chance to watch this video, which I found informative and clever and stirred the pot among my friends who are more into the whole Star Wars thing than I am (I refuse to acknowledge anything past the original trilogy).

 Point is, I started thinking along those lines. Well, I've often wondered what would happen if some studio was brave/stupid enough to give me a story concept and collection of characters and said "do whatever." This, however, is the first time I ever decided to put idea to digital paper and post it online for the world to see.

Hence the dawning of a new series of posts: If I Did.

This week: If I Did Twilight

            First things first: my Twilight would not be a series. My Twilight is one book split into three parts.

            Part One is New Moon. This part focuses on Isabella Swan and her father Charlie. The two of them have moved to Forks, Washington after Charlie pissed his company away and his wife Renee filed for divorce as a result. Isabella settles into her new school, but finds herself getting cow-eyed over a hot young stud named Edward Cullen, who somehow accepts her advances. She brings Edward to the house, but Charlie is sceptical of this boy and his creepy swagger – especially since he talks like someone who is way older than seventeen.

            Edward then brings Isabella to his house, which turns out to be a huge mansion on the edge of town. Apparently, Edward lives with his legion of servants and no-one else. Isabella ignores this weird fact, though, when Edward has her waited on hand and foot. Things go well until three strangers named James, Victoria, and Laurent arrive and launch an attack on the couple while they’re walking home from school. This is when we discover the vampire angle as Edward immediately beats back the trio. Isabella is afraid, but her beau assures the naïve girl that he won’t turn on her.

            At school, one of Isabella’s friends – a native boy named Jacob Black – enforces her father’s view that Edward shouldn’t be trusted, but she just assumes that he’s jealous. That evening, Isabella waves off Charlie’s concerns and hits the town with Edward. While they are enjoying a nice romantic moment by the lake, however, James appears and tries to assassinate Edward. Isabella distracts the attacker and helps Edward get the kill. Edward turns to Isabella, brings her in for a kiss... and then bites her neck.

            Part Two is Eclipse. Charlie notices that Isabella is growing increasingly distant, and that she’s taken to spending more time with Edward than she should. During one particularly fretful night which also involves a fierce telephone argument with Renee, Charlie is visited by a concerned Jacob Black. Charlie takes to the boy’s kindness, and Jacob’s words inspire Charlie to follow Isabella the next night. He finds her in the woods with Edward, who is seen drinking from her neck. Edward attacks, but is swatted by the vampires Victoria and Laurent, who are then joined by a newcomer – Jacob.

            This is when Jacob reveals himself as a werewolf and when Charlie finds out about vampires, too. Edward makes his escape with Isabella, but as Charlie gets ready to pursue them he’s held back. At this point, he’s going a tiny bit crazy, but is given solace by Laurent. Victoria and Jacob strike a deal – that they will join forces until Edward is brought to justice. Jacob takes Victoria, Laurent, and Charlie back to his reserve so he could solidify his tribe’s alliance with the vampires. To bring Charlie up to speed, he leaves him with the village alphas, Jacob’s parents Billy and Sarah Black.

The alphas explain that long ago there were five kingdoms – The Air Kingdom, hosted by angels and vampires; The Wood Kingdom, populated by skin-changers like the werewolves; The Sea Kingdom, run by merfolk; The Sand Kingdom, hosted by rakshasa and the walking dead of North Africa; and The Stone Kingdom, run by humans. With the passing of the ages, though, many of these folk either died out or went into hiding as humans invaded and took over their kingdoms. Many fought back and died, but some found ways to live among humans in silent harmony.

The Black pack and the Cullen clan were living peacefully in Forks with the human settlers, until the youngest son of the Cullens stopped seeing the point of sharing the land with his food and rebelled. He turned on his kin, killing or enslaving those who fought against him, and set himself up as ruler. Humans in Forks have since offered tributes to Edward Cullen in the form of their young daughters. Reports from Emily Young, a skin-changer spy hiding within the Cullen estate, now say that Edward’s not satisfied with being god-emperor of Forks, and wants to use dark magic to take over the world – and that he plans to use the not-quite-yet-turned Isabella to achieve this goal.

Charlie leaves the tent and speaks with Laurent and Victoria. They reveal themselves to be emissaries of the Volturi, the lords of what remains of the Air Kingdom, who learned of Edward’s plan through their own spies. Victoria then tells him that the magic Edward wants to use would involve creating a demon-child inside Isabella. Charlie is warned that saving Isabella could mean destroying her womb and her chances of procreating. He offers to join the fight.

Part Three is Breaking Dawn. A vampire legion led by Volturi agent Bree Tanner arrives on the reserve with a charm needed to cleanse Isabella’s body of the vampire taint. Jacob, meanwhile, gathers a skin-changer gang, and prepares farewells to his girlfriend Kim and their litter of children. Before leaving, Charlie calls Renee and has a long talk with her, trying to avoid the talk of dark magic and werewolf-vampire alliances. They make up; Charlie apologizes for his past mistakes and begs that they become a family again. Renee sees the man she fell in love with and says she’ll come by at the end of the week, giving Charlie the will to fight.

Charlie and the gang attack the Cullen compound, cutting a swath through Edward’s servants. When they break into the building, they find that Edward’s fled to a chamber beneath his house. They make their way in, but end up fighting more of Edward’s cronies and his harem. Laurent and Victoria die in the assault, but not before taking down a host of Edward’s henchmen and leaving Charlie with the anti-demon charm.

Charlie, Jacob, Bree, and the last of the army make their way to Edward’s throne room. The man himself is there with Isabella. Cue a huge fifty-on-one fight, with Edward dominating. Jacob is ripped to shit in the battle, and the demon child begins to form inside Isabella. Isabella begins distracting her former love with taunts and maybe a ‘no-one-is-meant-to-be-ruled’ speech. This allows Jacob to use his last bit of strength and tear off one of Edward’s hands, which in turn allows Charlie the chance to behead the vampire king with a fire axe. Using Victoria’s charm, he heals Isabella and we get a nice scene of the father and daughter reconciling as the corruption leaves her body.

The final scenes would involve the burying of Jacob Black, sending the charred bones of Laurent and Victoria back to Europe with Bree, and Charlie giving words of thanks and condolences to the remaining monsters. Isabella is given medical treatment for her wounds, but there’s no sign of her womb being in danger. Isabella and Charlie leave the hospital and head back to their cabin, finding Renee there. After a teary reunion, Charlie and Renee declare their love for each other and three agree to return to civilization.

So there you have it: Taken Meets Castlevania. That's how I would do Twilight. Send me money.

See you next time,


PS: This will no doubt put me on the shit-lists of every Team Edward/Team Jacob fangirl in the universe. I don't mind. I have my own team.

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