Sunday, December 25, 2011

Holiday Special 2011

Good day,

I know I’ll regret this later, but here’s a cover of We Need A Little Christmas from the musical Mame.

Gods, are you kidding?
This isn’t winter, this is autumn with dandruff
Everyone’s bidding
On meaningless crap and other pointless stuff now

Oh, is this your little Christmas?
Oh, is it fulfilling?
Screaming gangs of children?
Malls making a killing?
Oh, is this your little Christmas?
Are your dear hearts spillin’?
Because I’m sick, my eyes are blurry
I have to get home in a hurry

Enjoy carpooling
To some big holiday party in Newmarket
For I’ll be drooling
Over the new trailer for The Hobbit again

For I’ve grown a little older
Got a little fatter
Losing half of my hair
But it doesn’t matter
Because I’m getting a little bolder
Cutting idle chatter
And that is Christmas to me

Do you see the folly
Of exclusivity during the winter holidays?
Oh, Canada: golly!
Why not give Sikhs and Jews some extra praise, now?

So Happy Chanukah to you
Happy Gurpurab and
Festivus and Solstice
[Yes, I’m late, and it’s grand]
And happy belated Dongzhi
…And a really late Ramadan
2012 soon, but don’t fret
It’s not really the end of times yet

Don’t mind the tackiness
Of this time of year, we all know that it’s taxing
So spend this last week
With all your loved ones, curled up and relaxing now

And go have a happy winter
However you spend it
Christmas or Ganapati
Or whatever’s a good fit
But you should go watch Tintin
Right this very minute
Seriously, watch Tintin NOW
…I mean it: go watch Tintin NOW

Happy holidays,


P.S. The Indigo Book Store close to my house has a nasty tendency to blast the Glee version of this song at full volume. If you ever needed to flush me out of a building a la Manuel Noriega, use that rendition and I’ll be in the police van after the first minute.

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