Saturday, May 7, 2011

Seoul Survivor, Part Two

I’m not going to lie; the last few days have been ridiculous.

My sleeping habits are so irregular here that it’s almost impossible to be fully prepared for everything I am experiencing. On my first night alone I found myself sleeping for only two hours while my insomniac friend Commodore Getsmoney slept soundly and snored like an entire lumber mill. It messed with my moods and led to some very fiery, tense moments between myself and my associate on Friday and even last night.

The good thing about these moments of weakness, though, is that they reveal all kinds of things about my own psyche and my own vision of self. More on that never, but in summary I may be coming out of this as a new man.

Let’s leave the introspection in the dust and talk about Seoul some more.

I’m staying in the party district of Seoul, a little area called Hongdae. There are a number of little shops and stores here and there, and a university lies around the corner but the two things you are going to see more than anything else are nightclubs and inebriated Koreans. On my first morning here, I dragged myself out of bed and went for a walk, finding myself flanked by discarded fliers, broken bottles, the odd puddle of vomit, and scores of clubbers scurrying back to their homes like vampires fleeing the sun. Fashion sense in this area ranges from the modern age to the space age, with hints of the 1980s lingering on the skin of young people.

I saw a man in denim coveralls and bright pink socks. The fact that nobody sent him home the minute he left the house should tell you something.

The Commodore and I have been seeing High Chancellor Manybitches just about every day so far. It’s actually astounding because I never saw him that often back in Canada so I guess this is a sign that he’s missed me too much. He even found it keen to introduce us to his girlfriend, whom I shall name Duchess Sneakylegs because she thought it fit to trick us into thinking she was a high school student. This led to the aforementioned fiery and tense moment between myself and The Commodore earlier, followed shortly by a heartfelt apology from the HC.

I’m going to come right out and say that I love the food here, and the graffiti. I’m particularly noticing a little cat face spray-painted across the side of many a building. I imagine that this is actually some kind of gang tag and were I to venture into the wrong area and remain there for too long then I would be set upon by gentlemen in hoodies and cat ears.

Yesterday was perhaps the most eventful day. I ended up taking a five hour walk from Seogyongdong to Youido in search of two things: a belt because my pants were so very loose, and a stone from a river. A friend back in Toronto wanted something natural and poetic and after combing the beach for a few minutes, discovered a heart-shaped little item that I quickly pocketed. Afterwards, The Commodore and High Chancellor then took me to the lantern festival parade by the artisan’s district where floats ranged from a fire-breathing Chinese dragon to baby Buddha piloting a helicopter.

I am not joking.

Then something I never thought I’d ever do in my entire life. After a brief argument with The Commodore, I ended up joining a Brazilian and a Swede to go out and hit the town. I got dragged into a drum circle by one of the squares and slam-danced with a North Dakotan and Nebraskan who were there for reasons I could not fathom, and then the three of us hit a small free-to-enter dance club and bar. Now, I don’t drink alcohol because I don’t need to be drunk to loosen up. As such, it proved way too easy for me to lose myself on the dance floor while drunken Korean girls felt me up and made out with each other – and with the Brazilian. He was swarthy like that.

Oh yes and at some point I forgot to zip up my fly so while I was prancing around I ended up freaking some poor girl out. Not my finest moment, but certainly one of the funniest. Thankfully, Robert The Second was not out-out, and was contained before it escaped.

The Swede ended up drinking himself into a stupor and left us to hang out with some particularly drunken Americans, returning later to vomit all over his own bed, but The Brazlian and I soldiered on. After a head-banging round while the venue switched DJs and assaulted our ears with some Rage Against The Machine tracks, I dragged myself back to the hostel. On the way over, I ran into two Koreans passing around a paper lantern.

I leapt up and accidentally spiked it into a large and drunken American.

I’m amazed I walked out of there with all my teeth. The guy was in good spirits and we shook hands and left on a truce. The Korean guy showed me the massive dent I left in his said to me “Hey powaahman you break my lantern but okay I break too” and then proceeded to spike it into a car. I told him he was beautiful and went home.

Afterwards I sent a long e-mail out to my mother and then drew a half-apology note for Getsmoney saying “YOU ARE AMAZING YOU ARE ALSO A PIRATE I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU”, placing a caricature of himself on the page shortly before passing out.

The mood is much better so far. On top of it all I feel a lot better about myself in general. I hope I don’t do anything to rock the boat over the next nine days because I know that if I do I’ll end up sleeping in a hospital.

Next time on I’ve A Nuke: Robert gets beaten up  by everyone forever.

EDIT: Fixed some spelling errors and explained one or two things.

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